Why the 14th of September makes us happy :)

[FiXato]

First of all, sorry for how long this post has gotten I'm just not good at summaries and it didn't feel right to leave things out

I first got to know Siw through the Chat4All #lounge and #sealife chatrooms.
Back then I saw her as a kinda closed girl who always 'eeked' when someone hugged her, and since I often hug people online, I got a lot of those 'Eek! 8X'-replies.

The longer I knew her, the more time I started spending in her private window.
She was usually the first to notice if something was different about me, or if I felt sad. And because she was what she called 'immune', it felt safe to talk to her about anything. So, I spent quite some time ranting in her private window about my failed relationships, and how jealous I was of her immunity.
I was always looking forward to seeing her online.
It felt like I had known her since we were young, and really valued her as a friend!

When she planned to go on vacation to the Netherlands, I was not sure though if I wanted to meet her. Of course I wanted to see what she was like in the 'offline life', but I was also afraid it could/would ruin our bond, since meetings with people from the internet had already changed quite some bonds for the worse.. even to a point that some to who I'd been speaking to on a daily basis, had stopped talking to me completely after a meet had ended.
I did not really want to risk losing my friend Siw that way...

In the end though, my curiosity got the better part of me, and I found myself picking her up from the airport! I still remember walking around Schiphol Airport, trying to find her, while she was actually following me for a long time! I was pretty nervous at that time, and when we finally met, and shared a very quick hug, I did not really know what to say... Luckily a phone with IRC on it broke the ice, and we started talking as comfortably as we'd done so much before on IRC.

From that moment on in the pub, it has always been comfortable in her presence!
Even periods of silence weren't uncomfortable.. which kinda surprised me!
Together also with aQua/Water, we spent most of that week doing fun things like shopping, putting on strange hats, seeing a movie and playing pool.
As if we were childhood friends, hanging out as usual. I kinda found it strange though that while we watched the film, I wanted to hold her hand for instance. But shook that thought off of me as a silly misinterpretation of our friendship, and lack of a girlfriend for a long time.
I certainly did not want to scare her or push my immune friend away! So I left her hand alone.. And when I sat next to her on a sofa at a friend's place, with my arm around her, I thought it was just what close friends would do, but was still a bit surprised that she seemed to like sitting like that.

The last day of her visit, she was staying at my place, since she could only stay 5 or 6 nights in a row at the same hostel.
That day we mostly just watched the anime "Chobits".
It wasn't until the next visit that we realised just how much that anime was about us..

Seeing her leave again for Norway the next day was a bit strange..
I felt kinda sad for seeing my friend go again, because I had felt so relaxed with her presence, but I was also glad that we were still close friends!
When she got the bad news about her sister that night after arriving home.. I was sad for her and her family, and disappointed that I could only support her and her family through the internet...

Time passed, and we grew even closer as friends, but I kinda already knew inside that it was more than just friendship.. but just pushed that thought away.

During the next visit Siw stayed at my place the entire time. We kinda spent the entire time together, and watched most of Chobits. It was so good to see and spend so much time with her again! Especially when we watched Chobits and films with my arm around her...
Inside I knew that I'd already fallen in love with her... but even when 2 or 3 of our friends noticed that we were too close to be 'just friends', we denied it and said to them, and ourselves, that it was just a very close bond. It wasn't until the last night when we laid a tarot, that I consciously realised that I was already 'in too deep' to deny it any longer to myself.. But since Siw kept on mentioning that she was 'immune', I didn't want to admit it to her, or anyone else, because I would not want to risk losing her... I didnæt want to lose yet another friend because of my 'stupid feelings'.
In the end though, I decided that I would carefully tell her the next time we would meet in the offline life.
However, it was already 'too late' when I read her words "I'm not blind you know!" being blurted out on IRC in my private, that night of the 14th, a year ago, when I started talking about friends of us who were in a long distance relationship.
That night I let her read my poem "Flower", and in the end we confessed to each other, and decided we would at least try how this would work out..

As were are here together now in Norway, and were celebrating our first year as a couple just a couple of days ago, we can say that it has turned out pretty well!
And hopefully, in 1 or 2 years from now, I'll be living here

In the past year, we've slowly been telling some of our friends, but decided to keep it quiet in general, so we could slowly find out things for ourselves and so we could see who would notice
When we read a post from another Internet couple from a different forum, we decided that we would make our own shortly after our first anniversary

So, now the secret's out for everyone to read

[Siiw]

Since the 1990s, IRC has been a place where I have been able to meet people and be myself, without distracting first impressions. I have always been a "nerd" and had no understanding, or desire, for the endless, stressful game of partner seeking. I was simply immune, not attracted to other people, apart from just for chatting.

I don't know when one person started to stand out. I can't remember when Filip (FiXato) became the first person I looked for when logging on. At some point, probably in the spring of 2005, he was becoming the most...important person in my online life. I was unable to feel good, unless he did. What was going on?

Through many long nights of chatting, the idea of meeting in real life came up.  I have several dutch chat friends, so it would be natural to choose the Netherlands as my vacation place, also through my work as a florist.

There was some trouble with the train connection, and the always helpful Filip offered to pick me up at the airport. I was so nervous! I didn't even dare to greet him at first sight, instead I followed the familiar figure into the building for a couple of minutes. The nervousness passed when we shared some familiar things later, namely IRC and beer. 8P It felt like the right place. I was supposed to be here.

Through the visit, I slapped myself mentally for the strange impulses in my head. I wanted him to sit close to me. I wanted him to hold my hand. When meeting up with other people, I missed his presence strongly. But there was no way that I was going to admit to that! Falling in love with a foreigner, or having a foreigner fall in love with him, was a burden that I would never place on my best friend.

The same day as I went back home, I posted this poem:

I choose

I could choose to fall from here
Carried by the stream
The way down is so tempting near
Following a dream

The ride would take me tumbling fast
To where I have never been
A frozen river, free at last
Its end is still unseen

But I would not let water loose
For my own pleasure's sake,
it would go where i can not choose.
Things in its way would break.

I could fall so easily.
But I choose to stand.
This one thing is still keeping me
The impact when I land. (the original last line was "I'd hit you when I land.")

It wasn't originally about losing my sister...it was written in the youth hostel. In the painful days after my sister died, I never felt alone...there was always a soothing, listening presence online. The one who I only wanted to be happy.

It would take yet another visit, this time staying in his house, again fighting impulses. I realised that, even if I was immune to the traditional romance, Filip and I were as close as any existing couple. We were already family.

On the 14. september 2006 the IRC conversation was turning to remote relationships. He kept asking me hypothetical questions about one...and in the end, I blurted it out! I felt so sorry for doing this to him...I was supposed to be immune, harmless, and not messing things up with this! He sounded the same...but the other way around. That night, we admitted to each other that we were a couple. We mark that day as the start of our relationship. That is also why we celebrate our anniversary on the 14. september. 8D

[FiXato]

And you can watch pictures of my stay with Siw at my gallery at xtraspace.com!

[An]

congratulations Fixato and Siiw, may you be happy together 
Hugs
An

[canuck]

Wishing you much happiness and congratulations to you both.

[FiXato]

thanks

[Foxman]

Congratulations you two, I'm very happy for you both and it's a nice story I wish you much happiness and luck in the future!

[Siiw]

thank you, An, canuck and Foxman 

[Rafe`]

How life has a strange way of turning! Congratz to the both of you!

I had the pleasure of meeting Fix once in my life when he came to Belgium for my BBQ! I loved it and was great to have him as a guest and Siiw, well I don't know her that well, but hey if you two are happy, you go guys

IRC ... what a life (I've been online for a long time, but then again not, cause these last years I abandoned IRC)